[MD] until death do us part

[Margaret Warren]

Interesting thoughts John...

when I read this I thought - yes, pretty much exactly - but
what I think is meant by 'social quality' is same as ability
to 'provide' in a way...same ol' same ol...which caveman can
bring home the dinner when your pregnant...

social status - brings home the bacon...

not sure about it going that much deeper with intellectuals, though.
an intellectual woman might still go for a 'self-made' man who might
not be as well-read, but he knows how to negotiate the stock market. 

 

-----Original Message-----
From: moq_discuss-bounces at lists.moqtalk.org
[mailto:moq_discuss-bounces at lists.moqtalk.org] On Behalf Of John Carl
Sent: Wednesday, June 09, 2010 2:23 PM
To: moq_discuss at moqtalk.org
Subject: Re: [MD] until death do us part

Marsha,

On Wed, Jun 9, 2010 at 8:45 AM, MarshaV <valkyr at att.net> wrote:

>
> Hi John,
>
> Via the  radio waves, the topic rages onward.  This morning the 
> discussion had advanced to the 'science of marriage'.



I heard something on the topic this morning on my radio as well.  Some sort
of research that women are attracted more to social status than men.  I
thought that was interesting.

Perhaps women are more attuned to social quality in men, and men more
attuned to biological quality in women.  Empirical evidence of what we all
know, that we men are the less evolved.

The caveat is that this pattern in mate selection only holds for normal
people.  Intellectuals its seems are  drawn to other intellectuals and the
quality of their intellect.




> I did giggle.
> It seems this expert was claiming that the statistics were changing 
> and marriages were strengthening and lengthening.  It was those 'damn' 
> baby boomers that had caused the warping towards divorce.
> It was also mentioned that marriage was being delayed until the late 
> '20s.  Certainly marrying when one is mature helps.  I was first 
> married at nineteen.  I was so immature with such happily- ever-after 
> expectations that the marriage was doomed.  And, of course, there was 
> that 'I am woman hear me roar' attitude that made me consider things 
> other than dusting.  Bless Betty Friedan!!!
>
>

You know, I think there is a generational thing going on where a particular
age group grew up and married in one kind of world, and then that world
shifted so rapidly that the marriages became an unlooked for fallout of
those changes.

My first marriage was also at 19.  Boy was I an idiot back when I thought I
knew everything.




> John, you make a good point about education.  My second marriage was 
> on a slight slippery slope when two pieces of valuable information 
> came my way, one was definitely ZMM which shifted my point-of-view.
> The other was discovering I was a type (INTP) which meant my husband 
> was a different type.  A simple thing like that made me realize that 
> people had different points-of-view.  Then I became very interested in 
> learning how he must experience the world.  The marriage
> became new again.   The meaning of everything shifted to a better, more
> interesting point-of-view.   It didn't help my kids, though, I was too
soon
> stupid and too late smart.
>
>
Sometimes, I think kids benefit more from our growth as individuals, than
they would if we were just perfect from the start and stay that way our
whole lives.  All that teaches them is they oughta be perfect.  If they're
not, they're gonna feel bad.

But improving with age, that's a real teaching.  That shows them life is a
process and there's always hope for improvement.

I know Lu benefited a lot from seeing her mom develop patience.  Her mom had
been pretty abused as a child, and expressed a lot of anger when Lu was
little.  But Lu said she always apologized later and with age became much
better at stifling her reactions.  Seeing that improvement was an important
lesson, imo.


ciao, constantly improving Marsha,

John
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