[MD] Drama

[Heather Perella]

Hello Arlo,

[Arlo]
> Bad times, eh?

    Yeah, not so much with the residents, which
obviously they are terrible, girl punched hole in
wall, other girl wouldn't stay in her room had to
physically escort her to the Time Out Area.  Another
girl came back from a day pass and had attitude til
bed, luckily for her sake she stayed in her bedroom or
more consequences would have come her way.  Staff can
be causes of terrible times, too.

   [Arlo]
> I think "ego" is tied to our
> expectations. If you expect to "make
> a difference" (defined in any way), and you don't,
> your ego perceives this as
> "failure".

     Oh, believe me, I have worked here long enough. 
I don't expect some of these girls to turn a new leaf
and become 'good'.  I see some going to prison. 
Others have a chance, but I'm too tuned to it being
their choice.  Some days I cringe, thinking they've
been doing well, and then this... but like last night
I dish what they give right back, calmly, always
calmly.  I have been promoted to assistant supervisor
last month, and I am staff of the month for August,
and one of the approaches I have that others notice
and have written as to why I am staff of the month is
I am always so calm even as I tell the girls 'go to
the Time out Area (a room with no door).  Even as the
girls may punch walls, spit, swear, and come face to
face trying to intimidate I don't back down.

  [Arlo]
> The key, I think, is to do good, but have
> no expectations for
> whatever, if any, impact those actions may have.

     The expectations we have are in the rule book,
which also shows the routine.  They are expected to
get along and be positive, but all of these are not
expectations that we, as staff, think the residents
will do, some eventually do, a very small handful, but
most, heck no, they are defiant, yet, that's why they
are in the placement facility - they're troubled,
aggressive, angry youth.

[Arlo]
> If
> you give up, decide to do
> "no good", because your expectations aren't being
> met, that is not a dismissal
> of ego, but giving ego even more power.

     Oh, I don't give up, recently I have been laxed
in giving consequences, letting things slide, but it
has been calm, until recently.  I hear about things
happening on other shifts, but these are newer staff. 
This one female staff and myself have been around and
the residents know we don't tolerate misbehavior. 
Sure it's hard for them to stay in bounds, but nothing
major has happened on our shifts for a few weeks,
until last night.  I'm been hearing about other shifts
having problems, and the weekend supervisor said to me
as I showed up that we will have problems tonight. 
The morning staff let the girls get away with pretty
much everything, except for one new staff, but the
other staff didn't back her up.  So we had trouble
that night, but we hammered away at them.

[Arlo]
> All we can
> do is what's best, and let
> it go at that. In mental care issues, also, you must
> be aware that "change" is
> often only ever evidenced over longer time periods.
> You plant seeds.

     Or, you laugh.  We were talking last night,
staff, about when I first started I asked, "So, when
can I start giving advice."  The one staff laughed and
said to me last night, she just thought while I said
that, with a laugh, "He thinks he's going to change
these girls."  There are some that change, but most
don't, some even hold it in, until they go home.  One
girl when I first started was the highest earner and
did everything you asked of her.  Then the supervisor
found 'crip', the gang, symbols marked on her window
sill with white out.  Then she went home for a weekend
pass, attacked her mother and mother's boyfriend who
eventually brought her down and the cops were called. 

[Arlo]
> That is
> what you do. And as frustrating as it is not to see,
> or know, how and if those
> seeds take root, it is still better to plant them
> than to not.

  Sure the seeds of discipline are planted, and I joke
and have fun with them at times, also.  Then when they
act up, I show no mercy, for they will not control and
destroy the place I must live at for about 8.5 hours a
day or night.  My life is at stack, they will not run
over me.  They have lost the ability to control
themselves all of the times.  That little voice in
their head says to them, punch them, do what you want
to do, who cares about other people, it's all about
me.  They verbally state these things at times.  The
blame is always staff is wrong though, even though
they threaten to beat somebody up.  That happened
yesterday, too.

[Arlo]
> To dissipate
> ego, let go of expectations entirely, not your
> willingness to do good in the
> world.

     Our expectations are in the rule book.  It is an
institution, and without setting limits these girls
will walk all over you.  That's why they are at
placement.  Somebody somewhere can't handle them, so
they are placed in a facility that has a rotation of
staff that should be energetic enough consistently,
where their parents will power, will break, ours is to
keep going since we have a rotation of shifts of staff
coming in.  Also, we set limits to keep a gap between
them and us, but sometimes they end up testing the
distance we keep between them and us.  Some staff
nurture them, baby them, and give them this care that
allows them to keep growing the way they are, which is
defiant, for eventually they mouth off at these staff
all the time, and if these staff don't say anything
and give consequences then these residents take it
further and further; until, as yesterday, one
resident, getting away with everything, the weekend
supervisor said he observed, she went after a staff
and another staff jumped in-between them and stopped
her - physically. 


     I am doing a 'good' job.  I have my will, and the
residents have theirs.  If they try to push their
troubled will on me, I come down on them with no pity,
only terror, for the terror doesn't scare me, it
inhibits them.  They back down, not me.  Will they get
away with stuff when I'm around - they sure will. 
Will I stop giving out consequences and think they
just need advice, reason, and eventually they will
understand if I just talk to them - hell no!  They are
creating the tragedy.  They are the monsters lusting
and intimidating, casting out fear to all around them,
until, they meet those handful in their lives that
take up the courage to slay them and let not their
tragic world rule.

Thanks for commenting, I appreciate it,
SA

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