[MD] Ham & swiss cheese

[Heather Perella]

Dan,

     Dan said:  "You can have that now, if you want
it. You have to want it though. If you do not have
quality time with your family, etc., it is on account
of your own actions, my friend. No one elses. No
excuses allowed."

     Yeah, maybe your right.  At this moment in my
life, my job does not allow for the quality time to
have with my wife.  I work a lot of nights, tonight is
an exception more than the rule.  I could get another
job after being in school to get this one, which I
went back to school after having schooling to be a
Massage Therapist for 5 years.  I've worked in many
areas in this culture.  In a movie theater, grocery
store, fast food restaurant, specialty food store,
plant nursery, restaurant, catering facility, spa,
chiropractic office,  telemarketer, volunteer as a
park ranger for 6 months, had some poems published,
and now in a troubled youth residential community.  I
really don't mind the job I have now, except for the
hours.  My wife works during the day, I at night
mostly.  She has weekends off, I rarely do (twice in
six months).  She is a substitute teacher, and if she
gets a permanent teaching job, well, IF, then
economically we would be more comfortable.  Maybe I
should go back to school, find another job, or just
face it.  This culture doesn't have many options for
intellectually motivated person who thinks about where
he works and wants to use his mind more freely and not
get trapped in so much habitual work, which this job
now relys on ones' own wits and spontaneity in dealing
with social and intellectual jams.  It's just the
hours that's all.  No excuses, just a need for more
quality time with the more valuable part of my life,
which is not the work to buy aspect of my life.  The
time I do spend with my wife and outside of work has
high quality, just overall not enough of it exists,
but maybe all this time I've been having a hard time
finding what fits me in this culture is my discontent
with this culture.  Is it me or the culture?  Well, I
am very content in the woods, with my family, with
friends, even at work with other people, I do not
anger, stay calm, feel peace and contentment for the
most part, all except those hours.  Well, everything
can't go your way, but I could desire more control
with something that seems to take up much of my life -
those hours and choices as to what I could do to buy
things since the population is so high and I can't
have the quality time to cultivate an option of living
more self-sufficiently in how I seem to find my
comfort and contentment, but I guess I should just
suck it up and just live with what I have in this
culture and not try to do what seems to come more
natural for me.  I should let other people have more
of a say in my life, maybe, or maybe I should take
responsibility for who I am and that is SA.  Should SA
change for others or Should SA be SA as long as SA
just wants what is more valuable to exist in SA's life
more often than what seems to be a system of problems,
where problems exist, as evident with the girls caught
in a system that deems them deviant to society and
angry possibly the future criminals of this society
due to their collective rage and unintelligible
actions?  How many other unintelligible actions exist
in this society in which we are dragged into in order
to provide the clarity that is becoming dim?  How many
people just blindly do and the rest are aware of the
doing that needs stopped?

SA 

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