[MD] Intellectual activity

[Khaled Alkotob]

Alice

It's Sunday morning and i don't mean to be disrespectful to anyone or
offend anyone.
the following is a JOKE written and passed around when Dr. Laura was high
and mighty in the height of her career.


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Dear Dr. Laura, 

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have
learned a great deal from your show, and I try to share that knowledge
with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual
lifestyle, for example, I simply remind him that Leviticus 18:22 clearly
states it to be an abomination. End of debate. 

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the specific
laws and how to best follow them. 

a) When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a
pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev 1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They
claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them? 

b) I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus
21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for
her? 

c) I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her
period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev 15:19-24). The problem is, how do
I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense. 

d) Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and
female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of
mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you
clarify? Why can't I own Canadians? 

e) I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2
clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill
him myself? 

f) A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an
Abomination (Lev 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I
don't agree. Can you settle this? 

g) Lev 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a
defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my
vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here? 

h) Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair
around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev
19:27. How should they die? 

i) I know from Lev 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me
unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves? 

j) My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev 19:19 by planting two different
crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two
different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to
curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the
trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Lev 24:10-16)
Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do
with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14) 

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you
can help. 

Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and
unchanging. 

Your devoted disciple and adoring fan. 

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[Khaled previous]
> "Had religion yielded and said to that restaurant owner " Hey, as 
> long as
> > you are not drinking that stuff, you are OK to sell it to whoever
wants
> > it ( within the law) yet still do you 5 daily prayers, your  fasting
and
> > your pilgrimage and you are OK."

[Alice]
> So is compromise the only way to avoid disintegration? I come from a 
. Catholic background and the Catholics are famous for their 
> "cafeteria" 
> beliefs. Every Sunday they say that they believe in the divine 
> authority of 
> the pope and yet feel perfectly OK with using birth control. Of 
> course these 
> are American Catholics.

[Khaled Previous]
> "Dynamic values is the key word"

[Alice]
> And we would be hypocrites if we said we never bend our beliefs 
> (values) to 
> fit the situation. But what good then are beliefs in the first  place?