[MD] requiem for a dmb

[John Carl]

So once upon a time, wandering the stacks of Sierra College's three story
library, I came across a book on psychotherapy and acting.  It was actually
my first introduction to Freud's thinking in some detail, and dealt with the
concept of ego death and stage fright.  The author talked about Olivier's
stage fright, and if stage fright was simply fear of failing, a great and
experienced actor would be over it by now.  We conceptualize and express it
as fear of failing, but it is more subtle than that.  In order for a self to
be born on stage, a self carrying the actor must die, and that self doesn't
want to die - hence the sublimated anxiety and vomiting and nervousness.
Now Lawrence Olivier was a great actor, who, it is said, could make you cry
just by reading the telephone book.  I'm not sure if that's really true, but
I do know that Robert M. Pirsig could get an engineer misty-eyed over a
technical manual.  And when Phaedrus experienced his stage fright as a
teacher, his own analysis of himself is problematic.  Sometimes it is harder
to know ourselves than we can imagine, and if we're doubly smart, doubly so.
  Pirsig himself attributes it to being "a loner", "uncomfortable with
people", but I have a different insight.

Gleaned from  Peck's, A different Drum, of course.  A methodology of
community building.  In this methodology, one of the most difficult
transitions for a group to make is into this egoless place where all the
individual selves "die" a little bit, so that they can constitute a greater
whole - a large dynamic leap into a much more comprehensive social latch, I
guess in MoQ terms.  But the process often exhibits exactly like this stage
fright phenomena, and I believe all the evidence points to  Phaedrus
experiencing in his teaching, the best kind of learning community - wherein
all were engaged and involved.  It is termed, a group of all leaders and
Phaedrus demonstrated that very attribute when the administrator/other
teacher pokes his head in the door and asks what all the hullaballo0o is
about and Phaedrus just says, "We've come across a hard question."  And its
like he's not in control anymore.  He's standing there admitting that they
are all learning together.  It is, in fact, a true community.  Once you've
been a part of that process and bonded like that with a group of people, its
hard to forget.  Even years later, coming back to the scene of all  this and
finding a former student who almost tells him that him not being a teacher
anymore is insane.

She knows and he knows that there was a lot more going on back then than
"normal college".

 true community was happening in those classrooms.

Or perhaps it was just a stage, for actors to play parts.

Or perhaps there is no functional difference.

In other words, Metaphysics ain't for sissies.

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So...  where was I at?  After such a lengthy preamble and all I hope I have
something meaningful to say about the death of a teacher's pet, but that
comes across as much more snide than I mean it to be.  Which is perhaps
rhetorically fitting but I prefer accuracy in expression of my intent, to
rhetorical flourish,  and truly I'm mainly saddened and grieved.  A little
bit of my hopes and dreams for dialogue have died today, on seeing DMB's
notice of resignation. Just on the very day I checked out a whole book full
of correspondence between Royce and James.

But on reflection, its probably for the best.  I've started to feel sorry
for him for the effects of bring caught in a trap, not of his own devising.
It is an ego trap when you get this public pat on the head and you find
yourself set up as the designated target.  Mr. "Good Hands" now has to
defend his position interminably.  Until eventually some kid gunning for
your ass who has been practicing out behind the woodshed sneaks up and
shoots you in the back to earn his own reputation.

 ain't many *old* gunslingers in Deadwood.

Metaphysics ain't for sissies.

Caught in such a trap, you have few options  besides gnawing you're own leg
off.  Heck, I'd rather just quit on some level.  And it makes sense to me
that Dave is showing some wisdom in doing just that.

There's a part of ZAMM where Chris and his dad are climbing a mountain, and
his dad is intellectualizing the aspects of ego-climbing which cause
missteps.  Reading that, part of me wants to step in a help carry the son, I
want all this explained to him, patiently, so he can understand and just
take that one step at a time and keep going up steadily.  I want to help
him.

All his dad does is watch him zoom zoom zoom up the mountain, crowing from
the heights "Look how much higher I am than you!"  I want dad to step in,
but dad doesn't.  Dad just lets his son's energy carry him as far as it can,
to his own lesson, learned in his own body, in his own time.  Probably a
smart dad.  No wonder they say Metaphysics ain't for sissies.