[MD] Suffering the Seeds of Change

[X Acto]

Dan, Marsha, John,
 
I was one who read the book given to me. It was in preperation for a trip west
with a freinds bohemian uncle. We met at one of his parties. Ray was and still
is, a dynamic character. We met in a smoking circle, wondering what an old
codger was doing at an art school party, I struck up a conversation. We got in
intense philosophical conversations each time I met up with him. One of these 
parties a mutual freind, Marlin, got out his slide projector and showed his trip
out west with Ray and another fella. I was so jellouse.
They were just out of high school and looking for adventure, Ray said they were
a pain in the ass to travel with. "They were too young to really get it" he explained.
I asked, "get what? it's a trip!" he said exactly the point, they wanted to be going
somewhere, constantly getting to a destination then be disapointed and restless when
they got there, anxious to move on right away.
The conversation bounced around with more smoke and more beer until he said "hey!
what do you say you and I go?" he had been kicking around the idea of moving to
Montanna. I was single and 22, never traveled, except a brief stint with the marines,
allways worked on time off since the age of 13. I was charged, "sure!" some days 
later I ran into him and asked him if the offer was still open, "sure! decided I am going 
to move after our conversation". He gave me ZMM and said if I was going, to read it and 
we'll talk about it on the trip. It was fall, I had all winter to read up, and I did.
 
 It took me all winter because of the refferences Pirsig made.  Earlier I helped
the Art school move. They were throwing out boxes of books at the time, and I still
don't know why, I kept the works of Hume, Kant and Descarte and they stayed in my 
collection of books unread, until now.
 In Humanities class It would always be just myself, the Prof., and one other guy who
would argue the reading, mostly T,S. elliot, Kafka, Beckett, Kerovac...ect. I had alot
of questions where others seemed simply bored by it all. The expereinces I had as
a youth and my brief time with the Marine corp had me in a spin, looking back, I
clearly had a disconnect with my culture because of these expereinces, they set me
apart. 
 That trip out west with Ray was a liberating expereince, we had our own chataguas,
I learned to be free, yes, learned. I learned not to worry. for the first time in my life I
felt completely excited and free, every moment was electric. We had little money
and traveled like bums, we had little gear to camp, sleeping bags and tent, not much
else. He dropped me off in Seattle then headed back to Montanna.
 
Ray handed me Lila as a wedding present and I really did'nt pick it up until my brother
passed away years later. When I began to feel trapped and anxious all the time again.
 
Everytime I read them I re-discover them all over from another point of view and recapture
the feeling of dynamic freedom. It's more difficult now, with all the responsibility and all the
baggage, but it is a  craft ,an art this "living" in a society.
 
Welcome Tamara, 16.
 
-ron