[MD] chariotness

[Carl Thames]

----- Original Message ----- 
From: "MarshaV" <valkyr at att.net>
To: <moq_discuss at moqtalk.org>
Sent: Monday, January 10, 2011 10:11 AM
Subject: Re: [MD] chariotness


>
> Greetings,
>
> I do not have access to television or cable programming.  I am sorry for 
> the use of the phrase "mental illness".   A metaphysical interest seems a 
> noble pursuit in light of the craziness that is the state of this country.
>
> Marsha

Don't worry about it.  As a person who has been diagnosed with a mental 
illness, it doesn't bother me.  Part of the process of getting better 
involved coming to grips with the existence of the problem.  (Major 
Depression, plus a couple of personality disorders.)  It's like alcoholism; 
it don't get better until you realize it's a problem.  In my case, I spent 6 
years denying that I had a problem.  It wasn't all that bad until I was 
diagnosed, then I spent the next two weeks on the couch wishing like mad 
that I had enough energy to walk into the bathroom to urinate.  The doctors 
then started me on the anti-depressant roulette, where they try different 
ones to figure out if any of them are going to help.  The only thing they 
did for me, other than one brief psychotic episode, (which I KNEW was caused 
by the meds, so I stopped taking them) was to leave me with an apparently 
permanent tic in my left eye.  They never elevated my mood, although they 
did stop them from reaching some of the depths.  Personally, I feel like 
they took a depressive episode and made it chronic, and there is some 
validation of that in the literature, but there isn't much I can do about 
it.

As for observing the craziness that is the state of this country, you're 
right.  Debating almost anything philosophical is preferrable to trying to 
make sense out of Bernake's economic approach.  (Q: Why are there 
astrologers?  A: To make economists look better.)

The practical implications of it is that I don't have nearly the focus and 
concentration I used to have.  At one time I qualified for Mensa, and now 
feel that if I had to re-take the test, I would probably get drool on it.  I 
know the Buddist's believe that if you lose your mind you haven't lost much, 
but I do miss it.  When I could read something once and have it, now I have 
to go back over it and over it.  I take a cest la vie attitude toward it, 
(mostly because it's either that or sit around moaning about what I've lost) 
and try to get on with it.  I am back in school now.  Vocational 
Rehabilitation is paying for a Master's Degree, and I'm letting them. <G> 
I'm going for Counseling, because I've always been good at it, so I thought 
I would try to turn it into a paying gig.  Not nearly as well paying as 
Nuclear Engineering, but to me, much more satisfying. :-)

Of interest, another side effect of the anti-depressants seems to be a 
dimming down of my creative ability.  It's still there, but it's not 
constant like it used to be.  I still like obscure facts and weird 
associations, and love philosophy, although I'm amazingly ignorant of the 
major players.  I know what a Categorical Imperitive is, but I'm not sure I 
know the difference between existentialist and pragmatist thought.  Should 
they be seperate "schools" or not?  Anyway, enough for now.