[MD] Straw Men and the Primacy of Trust

[david buchanan]

DMB said:
...Maybe I'm expecting too much but I do not complain to announce the end of the discussion but as an effort to get it back on track. It's like a salvage operation. While it's certainly true that "people don't like being accused of dishonesty", that truth is a function of the fact that people don't like dishonesty first. If I lie to you and you accuse me of dishonesty, does it really matter that I don't like the accusation? Aren't you the offended party?


Matt replied:
I'm genuinely conflicted on this point, about what is the best conversation-inducing strategy to express the fact that one thinks the other person has stepped over a line. When I imagine an actual social situation expressed by "maybe I'm expecting too much," a social situation in which people behave the way you're envisioning, the only way that makes sense is a lot of blood-boiling.  ...an emotional head-ringer.  Why'd the correction have to take the form of dishonesty-assertion? ...Perhaps we have differing underlying views of social psychology and strategy (which is something I think we've known about each other for a while).  ...I don't know.  Like I said, perhaps we have two different views about social psychology and the maintenance of an ethical social sphere.  I think we largely agree on what the virtues look like, just perhaps not on the best way to get them from others.



dmb says:

Well, maybe the best strategy would involve a sensitivity to the precise boiling-point of the other guy's blood. I get that point. But I think it shifts too much of the burden to the accuser, to the one who thinks he's been wronged. It really comes down to whether the accusation has merit or not. If the complaint is valid, then the perpetrator is responsible for the emotional discomfort that comes from being accused. (In my experience, accusations boil the blood only to the extent that they're true - so much so that wild, implausible accusations will only amuse the accused.) Anyway, like I said, the decent thing to do when making such a charge is to be very specific and explicit or otherwise show the foundation of the accusation. Then the accused doesn't have to wonder where the accuser got the idea and unfounded accusations would be very hard to press.