[MD] Let's ask Buchanan

[Squonkonguitar at aol.com]

Host: Hello forum, and welcome to a new regular feature called, 'Let's ask  
Buchanan.'
(Audience applaud as lights go up and 'See my Baby Jive' by Roy Wood's  
Wizzard plays.)
Host: That's enough.
(Silence)
Host: In this feature Buchanan will be asked a straight question in the  hope 
he will edify us with his knowledge of the moq, which is second to  none.
So, with no more ado, let's introduce the man himself: Ladies and  Gentlemen, 
Dave 'I challenge anyone here' Buchanan!
(More audience applause as, 'Puppet on a string' by Sandie Shaw  plays.)
Buchanan (for it is he): I challenge anyone here to prove they are more  
clever than i am. Pirsig says so, so it's true, so there. I know Pirsig said so  
cos McTwat said so, and what he said so, is so. So there.
(Silence)
McTwat (from behind a silk curtain): Hey! Yeah! Woooo! Have a cup of magic  
mushroom tea! Tell a laconic Bill Hicks gag to get em going.
Host: Please may we have the first question?
McTwat: Please may we have the first question please, which is first.  It's a 
great thing to be first, it means you're the best like the Beatles! Yeah!  
Woooo! I'm not a middle class prick who likes to think he's a hippie. Ha ha ha  
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Honest! My uncle says so and he develops computer  
software which puts middle class people out of work. And he wears, 'Make  poverty 
history' tee shirts too! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
(Member of the audience stands up as a boom mic swings across the heads of  
the expectant crowd.)
McTwat: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
(Silence)
McTwat: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Has anyone seen my  
critical analysis? It is critical you know, my uncle said so, even if those  
bastards in the philosopholosopholosophology department said it's not very  critical. 
Fuck em. FUCK EM! I AM THE GREATEST PHILOSOPHER THERE!
 
Audience member: Question 1.

Imagine a friend of yours invites you  to art gallery for a public showing  
of 
their work.
As you wander  around the gallery you come across one of your own paintings.
You examine the  work and realise your friend is passing it off as their own.
This is the  first time you ever knew this was happening and you realise no  
effort  has been made to disguise the theft.

Later, your friend glibly mentions  to yourself in the company  of two others 
that he stole your painting.  Your friend does not appear to display even the 
slightest concern  about making this blatant admission.

How would you view this  matter?

Buchanan: That's a bit rude. But morality is for those who don't drive  
around the US making movies of themselves while pretending the BBC did it. So  fuck 
you.
McTwat (appearing from behind the curtain): And there's no proof  anyway, not 
that you need any proof cos there's nothing to prove cos i didn't  steal a 
page of stuff and...
Audience member: Well, actually there is plenty...
Buchanan: You fucking cruel wanker. That IS slanderous you cruel fucking  
wanker. Slander! SLANDER! Kill him! KILL HIM! Exterminate! Exterminate!
My, i mean, McTwat's lawyers will screw YOU into the ground. It's the  Zen 
way! Ken Wilbur says so! Exterminate! Exterminate!
(Instrumental: 'Tea for two' to play out.)
 
Audience member: But here it is in black and white. Look? It's here. I can  
show you.
(Silence)