[MD] Sin

[Heather Perella]

     [Case]
> Perhaps a God who says, "Shit happens" is a damn
> sight more merciful than
> "friends" who just say, "Tough Shit."


     I'm with you on that.  This is also something I
see at work.  Some girls go on to lock down or back
home into trouble, as I've said, but the point I can
make about this, is the root problem is not being
unhinged.  Some behaviors we can change.  We've
changed behaviors at work, but those residents that
did not internalize the changes and just put a mask on
- you can see it.  They are wearing a goody goody
mask.  Without simplifying this too much, as you said
it is nice how Ham can put up a list, but it's the
content of the list - the 'Tough Shit' category.  What
I'm seeing at work is a general mistrust.  Even after
the girls parents, caseworkers, PO"s, staff members,
therapists, and who have you say to them your going
down a path that will not treat you well, these girls
distrust all of these people.  Some try, maybe many
try, but the static patterns back home seem to have a
niche for them that they will still have to battle
themselves out of.  Whatever happened back home
slanting their lives down this mistreated path, is
still present.  It is a battle.  If the family gets on
board, then instead of just one fighting many, you've
got more than one fighting not as many.  Support,
emotional support, mental support, any type of helpful
support is necessary, especially with these youths
that have been transformed once, at the very least,
already into following paths that will put them into
unhealthy situations.  By far, I'm not talking about
these children must follow, must conform to models the
state dictates or even what the family dictates. 
Creative people are welcome in this world, and if
these residents see something wrong with society and
want change, then hurting themselves due to an
impotent feeling that no matter what they do will not
provide themselves with healthy lives, sane lives,
that is a level of mistrust.  I know of this one girl
at work.  She and nobody has been able to find her
mother for some days now.  Her mother is a drunk. 
This girl has tried so hard to do her part.  At first
she was defiant, argued, and just didn't listen, but
then she realized if she could just do her thing here
and go home then better relations with staff would
also equal better relations at home.  She ran away
from home a lot, and got into drugs.  She's one of the
nicest girls that I've seen come through this place. 
Yet, her self-esteem is so low, and her recent good
behavior received no reciprocal good behavior from her
dear mother who she loves so much, but can't handle
her mother's increasing problems in life.  This is a
lot of weight on a teenager.  She's very intelligent
too, but with her mother not fulfilling her side of
this equation there is now talk of foster care.  Her
mother can't help her own daughter.  Her mother can't
even help herself.  It's more than her mother being an
alcoholic.  We're talking about some of the simple
things in a relationship that we may take for granted,
but her mother can't provide.  This resident has
talked of killing herself.  The weight of the world is
coming down on her.  If we can provide hope, something
that can bring out a caring heart in herself, then
maybe she won't go to a lockdown facility.  If she
runs away, that's where the state will send her. 
She's only 15, and yet so much maturity is expected of
her.  If she can make it through this program
independent living programs or foster care are in line
for her.  The expectations of this society don't have
some people stepping out into independent life until
after college which can range from 19-30 years old. 
She's 15 and already she has to keep her wits about
her more intensely than I had to at that age.  She has
to think about an independent future in her teens. 
She'll have to finish high school and go to college,
if she follows the mainstream path all on her own with
help from strangers that hopefully become friends that
she never knew while she was younger.
     And then you've got people that come off like Ham
that seem to look at such a girl and say "Tough Shit".

Thanks,
SA


 
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