[MD] So cometh MOQ, what next?

[Heather Perella]

Ron,

    (ron)
> The martial arts has helped me a great deal in this
> matter,I too have
> used the "being the bigger bully" tactic the typical
> response is feining
> victimhood by the bully...

     It's the program where I work.  For thirty years,
I have been the one to avoid problems.  When events
heat up, I could easily walk away.  Now I work
somewhere that if I walked away, the residents would
demand more and take over the building.  I've seen it
happen.  I was actually called down to a different
building to work at because that building (unit) was
falling apart.  The girls anger an demands grew large,
and hardily any staff confronted the girls anymore. 
The girls made it all one big party doing whatever
they wanted to do.  The ring leader would threaten
staff with physical violence, and eventually she did
punch a staff - she went to a lock down facility. 
When I came down I found a very weakened staff,
exhausted, and worn out.  Many quit during this time. 
Only two staff out of ten really kept up the strength,
but even one of them eventually quit.  I was
confronting all the girls, timing them out left and
right.  After about a month and a half, my will was
breaking.  I thought I was going to break, and just as
I begin to think that way, the girls broke.  They
began to do things more orderly, but maybe the best
term here is they felt safer.  That really took a lot
out of me, and I know I can't sustain such a level of
effort forever, so, I toned it down some, but luckily
the girls toned it down, too.  Yet, still, some of the
girls get testy and the only way I know to face them
is to get in their face, always calmly, which by the
way is a trait that many of the staff have
complimented me on, but I simply say to them calm down
or else consequences will be given to you.  Isn't that
still having to be 'larger' than they are?  But, I
never let anger into the picture.  That I have not let
myself become, but I do get frustrated and fearful
that things will not go well, but they never do in
this line of work, that is go well, so, my fear lasts,
as you stated I'm really a coward in the face of these
disturbances, but I don't know what else to do when
confronted with anger - I want to extinguish the
anger.  Yet, this fear I have... of what, and why, I
don't know.  I just see so much of this pain.  Without
the woods, without my wife, and now without my son, my
focus would be all over the place, except here.

    (ron)
> I'm right with you on this..but my dilema is because
> I can impose my
> wishes should I? The problem is I care.."Force, no
> matter how concealed,
> begets resistance". - Lakota   these things haunt me
> when I act.

     That's that fear I have.  Things haunt me, and I
don't fully realize what's going to happen next.  With
my son, I hope the woods can teach him, because we
humans are such a handful, and yet, this culture relys
on humans disciplining humans so much.  We are too
wild for that.  That's what I love about big snows and
Adirondack mountains or camping in the winter.  I need
the strength of these events to weigh down on me.  It
is a comfort and a real wild way to tame the monsters
(the wildness) that lurk in this human being.


   [Ron quotes]
> Native American Prayer 
> 
> Oh, Great Spirit
> Whose voice I hear in the winds,
> And whose breath gives life to all the world,
> hear me, I am small and weak,
> I need your strength and wisdom.
> Let me walk in beauty and make my eyes ever behold
> the red and purple sunset.
> Make my hands respect the things you have
> made and my ears sharp to hear your voice.
> Make me wise so that I may understand the things
> you have taught my people.
> Let me learn the lessons you have
> hidden in every leaf and rock.
> I seek strength, not to be greater than my brother,
> but to fight my greatest enemy - myself.
> Make me always ready to come to you
> with clean hands and straight eyes.
> So when life fades, as the fading sunset,
> my Spirit may come to you without shame.
> (translated by Lakota Sioux Chief Yellow Lark in
> 1887)
> published in Native American Prayers - by the
> Episcopal Church.
> Every animal knows more than you do.
> ~Nez Perce

     [Ron]
> I do see what you see, sometimes it twists my heart,
> thank you so much
> for your reply. It is greatly appreciated

     This is very helpful.  This is probably why I
just lay in the woods and let everything happen.  I
live so much in a world that is human, and yet so much
of the world is not human.  I have so much human that
must be relyed upon when it comes to disciplining
these girls, but yet, that haunting that you mention,
and what of those girls, oh, the wind, if only they
could have the mountains to stand them down.  This
culture is trying to be the woods, thinking it is
everything, but only the truly everything, the woods
can really tame and discipline this creature.  Well,
the babies crying, time to eat, and I need some
sky....    

Thanks,
SA  


 
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