[MD] Painting

[MarshaV]

At 05:52 AM 11/20/2007, you wrote:
>Hi Marsha,
>
>sometimes I think painting is the only useful thing I can do and that I
>should put aside all other considerations of family and finance.

Family and finances stopped me too, but there came a moment when I 
was free.  I fought off every 'but you should' and decided to go for 
it.  I had to hurt my family.  I rejected them thoroughly, and their 
values, but then I had to reject myself too.  My family accept me now 
as I have learned to accept being outside the square.

Laziness, not sure that's the right word, was definitely an 
obstacle.  There were gumption traps everywhere.  I created my own 
studio, and would trick myself into being there and doing it, doing 
anything.  Finally, I surrendered.  In 2001, I moved to this place 
and left a social life behind.


>I sometimes I think that the more time I could spend painting then the less
>I would have wasted my life.

Yesterday is yesterday.  Now my life is painting.  Now is now.


>And yet I rarely remember those moments of conviction and the reality is
>that I'm very lazy when it comes to painting!

It's love, a GREAT LOVE........


>I thoroughly agree with you that painting is therapy but, unlike you, I
>think it has to be seen by others to attain it's full value.

Therapy is undertaken to become sane, the last thing I'm looking 
for.  I am an archeologist looking for old bones and that very great 
love.  I'm not afraid to die for those old bones and that great love 
either.  I don't mean to make this so dramatic, it is just a choice.

Marsha




>On 20/11/2007, MarshaV <marshalz at charter.net> wrote:
> >
> >
> >
> > Greetings,
> >
> > Maybe I am an exhibitionist, or just plain luney, but painting is an
> > experience different than anything else in my life.  Printmaking was
> > the same and it's taken a long time to get back to really working
> > from the inside out.  I don't know if trying to talk about it will
> > ever make any sense, but I seem to be compelled to try to talk about
> > it to dig deeper.
> >
> > If you could see the first print I made after my husband died maybe
> > you'd understand.  It was so dark and scary that it really frightened
> > me.  I think it is safe to say it was of a woman splintered and out
> > of her mind.  I don't want to produce such darkness.  There's too
> > much negativity already.  I just didn't want to go there.
> >
> > In 1998 I spent the summer in Italy with a friend and a group of
> > primarily art students.  I wasn't sure I'd like the art.  I thought
> > it was all that religious stuff.  But WOW!!!  It swept me away.  I
> > decided the only thing to do was to just paint.
> >
> > You can't think painting, at least I can't.  It has to be quite the
> > opposite.  I have to let go.  Geez, words suck!!!  The painting is
> > both the trip and the safety net.  But this MD Discuss forum is also
> > been very special to me.  It's given me a way to restructure the
> > world in a way that makes sense during the daylight hours.  It's a
> > beautiful map!  And you are all beautiful.  In a strange way you are
> > more my family than my family.  You are my sangha.
> >
> > So I thank you all for your giving.
> >
> > Marsha
> >
> > p.s.  I've got another painting started.  It's much different that
> > the last one, but also the same.
> >
> >
> >
> >
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