[MD] Dicks and limits

[John Carl]

Tim,

I really appreciate this.  I'm going to try and do your concerns justice in
a line by line fashion, so I don't miss any of your points.  I think you are
off-base in a couple of areas, but don't let that take away from my
appreciation of your central point, which reveals a deep caring.


> I have been lying in bed trying to sleep, and I've thought of two things
> that I want to get off my chest.
>
>
I lay away and think about MD too.  Such engagement with the process is what
gives me hope in the end and keeps me trying, even when it doesn't seem to
be going anywhere.



> A long while back you had said something very much like: getting a man
> to change the way he talks/interacts is like trying to make an ugly guy
> handsome.  The second thing you said pretty recently, it was something
> like: dmb, I will never butt into one of your conversations without your
> wanting me to do so, ever again.  Both are related; and both would be a
> big problem I think if they went unchecked ----- that is, sometimes you
> have to put the wall right in front of you, on purpose.  We do not
> choose our biology; in fact, so it seems, we do not choose to be born.
> I have said that the things we choose reveal who we are.  An ugly man
> and a handsome man don't seem to have choice in that; they are
> temporary/provincial trappings.  A man can choose how he voices himself!
>

Very good and exactly right.  I myself try very hard to be deliberate in my
choices and voices, for in the world of e-mail discussion, we have nothing
else to go on but the sincerity of our words.  So be sure that I don't speak
lightly when I proclaim a  cessation of interaction, or more specifically in
this case, a cessation of unwanted interaction (that's an important caveat,
btw)



>  I think life is diverse enough to keep things interesting between
> people who choose wisely --- that is, compassion, concern, etc.
> shouldn't become boring.  (If it ever does, someone will have to cross
> that bridge then.)
>
>

"Boring" is definitely NOT an issue here.


> Anyway, to the second.  It is real easy to speak in superlatives.  These
> superlatives can hide the important stuff behind the masks.  On the
> other hand, once seeing behind the mask becomes conventional, all the
> qualifiers like 'probably', and 'maybe', and 'I think', which are quite
> important, might be able to be dropped conventionally for ease of
> speaking.  This is something I caution against.  Anyway, I think such a
> superlative as 'will never' is something you might come to regret.
> Fortunately, I think you deserve the right to take it back.  Life
> doesn't hold one to such things.  But your reputation does suffer.
>

Well as to my reputation... one nice thing about life on the "low road" is
that I don't have to worry too much about such things.

I had qualms and regrets, even while typing my superlative "never".  But
yet, I did it anyway.  The caveat "unwillingly" does leave the door open to
future engagement if dmb ever wanted any.  I'm pretty doubtful of that
though.  You'd have to review a lot of our history if you were to understand
fully the whole story, but dmb has argued for my exclusion from this forum
for a long time and has expressed nothing but contempt for my viewpoint.  I
honestly think it'd be easier to get a facelift and turn into a handsome
man, than change who I fundamentally am.  If there are misunderstandings,
those can be rectified.  But how can I rectify "nausea"?  That's a visceral
reaction that can't be argued away.


>
> So, together, I would suggest - certainly for a case like this, where
> you went out of your way to say it, and it wasn't just a slip-up - that
> you consider this advice, that you come to agree with it (or help me see
> why I am being unfair), and that you inform dmb of your reneging on that
> comment.  Further, it seems you have kicked a surprised man when he is
> down.


Here is where I think you're wrong.  I don't get dmb being "down" at all.
Maybe you know something I don't.  But I've had no indication of this.
Second, I can't see my "kicking" to be any sort of consequence to dmb.  His
opinion of me is so low that my kicks mean absolutely nothing to him.  Who
cares what a poor white trash plebian thinks?  As Adrie has so kindly
pointed out, I will never amount to anything and dmb has all kinds of
academic success and applause so there's no reason to conclude that my
cessation of interaction with him means anything at all to him.



> So while loneliness can be a bitch, such dickery might be even
> worse!!!  I think you own him an apology.  I meant what I said about
> dmb.  I think he is real smart, and before too long he will be back
> kicking ass - in a good way.
>
> Yours,
> Tim


In spite of everything, I wish him well on his High Road,

 But as for me...

"I've never known a love so strong, or so crazy when done wrong."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1UjLTdNMfig


Thanks for caring, Tim.  You're a good man and a most welcome addition to
this conversation.

John